Let’s talk about BOUNDARIES.

The idea of this post was borne last Wednesday as we filmed what would be my first episode with Agorist Nexus as cohost of the podcast, with Catherine Bonandin, shared here. A lot of that episode was telling the story of Anarchapulco going from an event with no boundaries or structure to one with lots of both, combined with mutual respect among those who comprise the production team.

For me, since rebuilding my life after the 2019 murder, creating and maintaining adequate boundaries against those who might take advantage of me in some way or another has been essential to the growth that everyone has witnessed in me over these years. I went from being a literal doormat of a human being to being one who is strong, stands tall, and knows how to effectively set standards for what I will and won’t deal with in both my personal and professional life.

And it has changed everything for me!

The dream that started all of it was I wanted all of my interpersonal relationships to be based on respect. Anything that makes me feel like shit is not for me. If you can’t communicate to me with respect, even if its about something I’m doing wrong, I don’t want you anywhere around me. As a result, those I’ve surrounded myself with are those who are strong and respectful without being forceful.

I have created an environment both privately and professionally where I can make mistakes, take responsibility, and change for the better without being emotionally assaulted for it. I say this because some people confuse healthy boundaries with refusing criticism of any kind, which is just another form of toxic behavior. Life is about balance, and as humans, we will make mistakes: it’s how we handle them and grow from them that really matters. Surrounding yourself with people who understand that is everything and where the real growth happens.

All of my working relationships are such where both sides feel respected. If one side isn’t getting what they need, be it professionally or otherwise, we can communicate that without making the other side feel like shit. I had too many life situations where it was all based on disrespect and control in my life before. Not anymore. Life is just too fucking short to deal with people who can’t treat each other with respect.

And every so often some situation pops up and reminds me exactly why I have chosen the path that I have.

Most recently is a very public spat with Anarchapulco and Canadian activist Chris Sky. Now previously to this, I didn’t really know who he was. About a year ago, we arranged a call with him to consider having him involved with Anarchapulco. Some technical difficulty was happening with the call that left him unable to join, though whoever arranged the call (a friend of his or assistant) called him on speaker phone while in the zoom call with us. He lost his mind and was pretty abusive and disrespectful in his response to not being able to join, even though he was the only one not able to join. We record all our meetings and had this on hand to review. We decided then it wasn’t a good fit and moved on.

Last week, he reached out to Anarchapulco to speak and was rejected politely. To be clear, our schedule was already jam packed, and considering this interaction from last year, it wasn’t worth making the space for him. His response has been nothing short of insane, sending over a hundred of his followers to harass us via email and on Telegram demanding we let him speak. We’ve explained why we refused him and have attempted to move on, but it’s been a few days of drama. As we get further into it, I have become extremely grateful for this public display because it shows exactly what I mean and has sparked a debate in the community about consent and boundaries. Sometimes conflict is necessary to show what is really important to the movement long term.

Here’s what anarchy and freedom means to me, especially after everything I’ve learned over the last four years about setting strong interpersonal and professional boundaries. Anarchy is about freedom of association. It’s about consent. It’s about boundaries. Without these three things, it’s just chaos.

Furthermore, it’s been interesting to see people jump from supporting their state rulers to finding a new charismatic “freedom” leader. This is actually a phenomenon I’ve seen time and time again within the movement. People forsake the state and find someone who says the right things and justifies their anger. These people are often defended by swarms of people who do nothing but insult those who don’t fall in line to their movement. No one building anything generally, just a dog barking into the wind.

It’s worth noting that not everyone in this world or in this freedom movement will work well together. It’s actually a sign of intelligence for someone to think, “Hey, this doesn’t fit with the way I work, I would prefer not to work with this person.” Just because someone’s out there screeching freedom into an echo chamber doesn’t mean that they have to absolutely be accepted by all other people who support freedom in one way or another.

In fact, the reality is, the growth in this movement doesn’t come from those talking about this stuff to an audience. For me, it’s about action. Who’s actually building what I want to see in the world? For me, it’s primarily agorists, trying things and transmuting their anger into something truly productive. It’s not some guy yelling at his camera in anger about how everything sucks.

So when building community with those you want to work with, I think the first thing to pay attention to is how those you look up to treat other people. How do they give criticism? What are they actually doing to better the world? Is there solid action to back up the barking against the state? What happens when they are rejected or someone provides criticism to them? All of these things matter and are simply not discussed enough in these circles.

A lot of this stuff I’ve really refined and developed since reading the book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements. It’s all about the agreements we make both with ourselves and with the world in which we live.

Don’t take things personally, be impeccable with your word, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best.

If you haven’t read this book, follow the link above and check it out because it’s put into a very short format a lot of concepts I’ve been refining within my own life over the last few years.